The Vet Again- Hope and Sadness

Today, Cora had an appointment with our normal vet, Dr Rice to talk about brain damage. After last week’s meeting with the orthopedic vet, I knew this would be a hard visit. It was hard, but it was also a very difference experience.  I got to spend time with a couple amazing ladies (one human and one canine) and I’m sad, touched and grateful.

The beginning was not auspicious. Cora does not like to be rushed. Unfortunately, we had to leave for the vet shortly after I got home from work. Cora had a temper tantrum, barking and laying down and refusing to walk.  I finally got her to walk down her new ramp and I loaded her in the car. That’s when I began to realize how far Cora has come.

Unlike previous car trips Cora was mostly quiet. She did, sharply, let me know when I drove over bumps in the road but mostly she just settled in. When we arrived, I opened the crate and had to quickly get hold of her as she was crawling out and ready to go. She was so curious in the parking lot; it was hard to get her in the office. The puppy who could not manage the slippery floors and was frightened and barking non-stop, had been replaced by an inquisitive and calmer Cora. Well, except for getting weighed, but there are lots of us who don’t like that.

I was really glad that Cora was doing so well. A part of me wanted to try and convince everyone around she wasn’t hopeless. I still felt the impact of those words at the other vet. I was so happy to be seeing Dr.  Rice. She had cared for Schmoozer through his battle of epilepsy and I knew she’d take the time to know Cora. As often happened in the past, Dr. Rice and I were sitting on the floor with the dog.  I then told Dr. Rice my concerns about brain damage.

Cora had been calm in the waiting room but now her stress level was up. She was noisy and rather floppy, as we tried to maneuver her. I think Cora was practicing a new form of passive resistance. After her reflexes had been checked I settled her in my lap and she calmed some. Dr. Rice told me her reflexes on the left side (front and back leg) were not there, but that her back right leg was ok.

I mentioned hydrocephalus.  What she said, in her thoughtful, gentle way is that it doesn’t matter what the exact diagnosis is. Cora isn’t going to get better. But here is what makes Dr. Rice special, that was really just the beginning of our conversation. She asked how I was doing and what I thought. By this time Cora had wiggled out of my lap and Dr. Rice took her into her own lap. I suspect that Cora behaved in similar ways with the orthopedic vet. She was loud and doing a bit of snapping, but without me saying a thing, Dr. Rice understood that this was Cora’s communication and nothing to be afraid of. She laughed at Cora’s stubborn desire to do things herself. I then watched as she held and comforted Cora.

She showed me how pressing on Cora’s head makes Cora calmer. I knew Cora liked to have her head rubbed but I’d never tried pressure. She said that Cora probably is getting headaches and that could explain some of the irritability. Then she said she was doing a bit of Reiki. I don’t disbelieve but generally I find myself skeptical. But it really seemed like something magical was happening in that room and I could try for hours and never find the right words.  I just know that Dr. Rice made connection with my difficult and independent girl who often doesn’t want to be touched at all.

I am touched by the beauty of those moments, but I ache inside. “Cora is living on borrowed time.” Those words are hard, but I understand the odds are against her. There is something really wrong inside that stubborn head of hers. She has such a strong spirit, that she may surprise everyone. Cora is physically healthy. If it is hydrocephalus she will get worse for a time and then stabilize. I’m supposed to watch for stroke like symptoms. I’m supposed to challenge her so she can keep making those neural connections that will help her to live as much life as possible.

For myself, I have to acknowledge that her life will probably be pretty short. I will fill that life with love and enjoy each day. Today,  Cora let Dr. Rice handle her and cuddle and she definitely charmed her.  Then walked out of the exam and as I was trying to pay, she was pulling on the leash. She was wanting to go out into the world, just like any other dog.