Month: May 2013

The beauty comes in the journey from pain and frustration to healing and comfort.

 

For some reason I’m having troubles writing this even though the news is wonderful. I keep wanting to cry whenever I start to write. I’m just so happy, relieved and in awe of Cora. Yesterday she got her sutures out. It wasn’t the same dog walking into the vet office. Lately, I’ve been carrying her in and out because she was in so much pain, but yesterday we explored a bit outside and then headed in. She was curious and relaxed in the office. She did well with getting her sutures out. Everyone was so happy to see her doing so well. Cora got a lot of velveeta and praise and when we walked out the door she was straining at the leash to go back in.

Cora saying hello to Floyd, the toy hog, after she got her sutures out

Just two weeks ago I was torn up inside wondering why I had put her through a second surgery. She was so miserable and I feared for her future. Blind, “retarded”, three-legs… how was she to have a future? Was I prolonging her pain? I really wondered and now things are better than I imagined they could be. She is so much happier I’m still amazed.

Perhaps this is why I haven’t been able to write because I’m still not finding the words I want. How can I say what it’s like to have quiet when before there was the ongoing barks of frustration and what I now know was pain?  How can I explain the settled feeling, as we navigate through life without the chaos? Something as simple as taking her harness off and on, becomes meaningful, when it was such a battle before. Then there’s the relief I felt when Cora stepped on the scale and her weight had gone up. She’s still just a pup but she stopped growing when she injured her stump. It’s such a relief to have a growing pup.I don’t want to explain how I feel, when I think about the fact she’s been in pain the whole time I’ve had her and I didn’t really understand. I am profoundly grateful she is finally leaving pain behind. And I will never be able to explain what it’s like to sit and cuddle with my beautiful, courageous Cora. I’ve stepped inside her world and she’s entering the world of a healthy, loved dog.

There’s a couple more pictures at her main blog.

 

 

 

I am mostly just posting because this picture makes me happy.  I did write today’s reflections at Cora’s other blog. 

I’m going to be lazy and just insert a link. I  posted this on Cora’s other blog

Click here to read my philosophical ramblings.

 

 

Cora’s surgery went well!! It was a bit longer than expected which made me a nervous wreck. There is no longer a stump to be injured or cause pain. We decided to keep the scapula. My vet consulted with another surgeon to make sure that was the right choice as the scapula is often removed. Leaving it meant a lot less surgery for Cora. Where the stump was is now smooth and they took muscle and pulled it over the area so it’s extra padded. The vet talked about how much less pain Cora will have now.

The first part of Cora’s night after surgery was rough but really she’s doing pretty well. She wanted me to be there touching her, so we slept on the floor together. She complains when she stands up or lays down but that isn’t surprising to me. This morning she was doing really well. She’s walking, eating, drinking and peeing! We went through another phase where she just wanted to lay there with me up against her and we settled on the porch. Every once in a while she would twitch her ears when a bird was singing. And then she started growling and I looked down at her and I had a giant mosquito biting my hand. Thanks for letting me know Cora.

She’s walking very cautiously and uncertainly. She has not been circling at all like she used to. I am so curious to see how she does. How much will not having the stump change how she walks and functions. I’m hopeful for my tough girl.

I was trying to clean Cora up a bit and I think I accidentally broke a scab. I got a  nip  on the shin as  a result, but that’s nothing compared to how awful I felt. Not that there was much of a scab. It’s mostly an open wound and whenever I see it I feel bad and neglectful. I have never seen Cora lick or mouth her stump, but I’m wondering why it keeps getting worse. Is she doing something when she’s in the kennel, or is it just because she’s constantly moving the stump and bumping it?  She again bumped it on the edge of the food dish while eating. I guess none of that matters. Tomorrow is surgery and this should get better. Tonight she is having troubles sleeping. She is out for a bit and then I hear her give a quiet whine.  I want her to be out of pain.

I went over to her and was rubbing her ears and I took this picture. I look at her stump and feel sick. Tomorrow we start a new chapter. Tomorrow brings better things.