Category: Quality of Life

The Vet Again- Hope and Sadness

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAToday, Cora had an appointment with our normal vet, Dr Rice to talk about brain damage. After last weekā€™s meeting with the orthopedic vet, I knew this would be a hard visit. It was hard, but it was also a very difference experience. Ā I got to spend time with a couple amazing ladies (one human and one canine) and Iā€™m sad, touched and grateful.

The beginning was not auspicious. Cora does not like to be rushed. Unfortunately, we had to leave for the vet shortly after I got home from work. Cora had a temper tantrum, barking and laying down and refusing to walk. Ā I finally got her to walk down her new ramp and I loaded her in the car. Thatā€™s when I began to realize how far Cora has come.

Unlike previous car trips Cora was mostly quiet. She did, sharply, let me know when I drove over bumps in the road but mostly she just settled in. When we arrived, I opened the crate and had to quickly get hold of her as she was crawling out and ready to go. She was so curious in the parking lot; it was hard to get her in the office. The puppy who could not manage the slippery floors and was frightened and barking non-stop, had been replaced by an inquisitive and calmer Cora. Well, except for getting weighed, but there are lots of us who donā€™t like that.

coras faceI was really glad that Cora was doing so well. A part of me wanted to try and convince everyone around she wasnā€™t hopeless. I still felt the impact of those words at the other vet. I was so happy to be seeing Dr. Ā Rice. She had cared for Schmoozer through his battle of epilepsy and I knew sheā€™d take the time to know Cora. As often happened in the past, Dr. Rice and I were sitting on the floor with the dog. Ā I then told Dr. Rice my concerns about brain damage.

Cora had been calm in the waiting room but now her stress level was up. She was noisy and rather floppy, as we tried to maneuver her. I think Cora was practicing a new form of passive resistance. After her reflexes had been checked I settled her in my lap and she calmed some. Dr. Rice told me her reflexes on the left side (front and back leg) were not there, but that her back right leg was ok.

I mentioned hydrocephalus.Ā  What she said, in her thoughtful, gentle way is that it doesnā€™t matter what the exact diagnosis is. Cora isnā€™t going to get better. But here is what makes Dr. Rice special, that was really just the beginning of our conversation. She asked how I was doing and what I thought. By this time Cora had wiggled out of my lap and Dr. Rice took her into her own lap. I suspect that Cora behaved in similar ways with the orthopedic vet. She was loud and doing a bit of snapping, but without me saying a thing, Dr. Rice understood that this was Coraā€™s communication and nothing to be afraid of. She laughed at Coraā€™s stubborn desire to do things herself. I then watched as she held and comforted Cora.

She showed me how pressing on Coraā€™s head makes Cora calmer. I knew Cora liked to have her head rubbed but Iā€™d never tried pressure. She said that Cora probably is getting headaches and that could explain some of the irritability. Then she said she was doing a bit of Reiki. I donā€™t disbelieve but generally I find myself skeptical. But it really seemed like something magical was happening in that room and I could try for hours and never find the right words.Ā  I just know that Dr. Rice made connection with my difficult and independent girl who often doesnā€™t want to be touched at all.

cora with hand on headI am touched by the beauty of those moments, but I ache inside. ā€œCora is living on borrowed time.ā€ Those words are hard, but I understand the odds are against her. There is something really wrong inside that stubborn head of hers. She has such a strong spirit, that she may surprise everyone. Cora is physically healthy. If it is hydrocephalus she will get worse for a time and then stabilize. Iā€™m supposed to watch for stroke like symptoms. Iā€™m supposed to challenge her so she can keep making those neural connections that will help her to live as much life as possible.

For myself, I have to acknowledge that her life will probably be pretty short. I will fill that life with love and enjoy each day. Today,Ā  Cora let Dr. Rice handle her and cuddle and she definitely charmed her. Ā Then walked out of the exam and as I was trying to pay, she was pulling on the leash. She was wanting to go out into the world, just like any other dog.

To Be Blunt

Not all stories have happy endings.Ā  Iā€™m having troubles moving past this beginning, but there is more to say. Years ago, when I realized how severe Schmoozerā€™s epilepsy was and how poorly he tolerated his medications, I tried to make peace with fighting a battle we couldn’t win. I tried to give him the best possible life he could have. It was hard 4.5 year journey and I donā€™t regret it. Now,Ā  Iā€™m afraid Iā€™m starting a similar journey.

Enjoying the Sun - Cora's First Visit to the Farm
Enjoying the Sun – Cora’s First Visit to the Farm

I received Cora’s early medical records a few days after adopting her and there was this sentence that I couldnā€™t ignore ā€œmultiple congenital defectsā€.Ā  I mentally filed that phrase away. Ā It did no good to worry about it, so I figured I would deal with itĀ  if and when it mattered. A few weeks ago, it began to matter.Ā  Her walking wasn’t improvingĀ  much and there were so many things she struggled with. When stressed, her ability to cope with anything decreased dramatically. She can become a snarling, snapping dog, unable to move.

When I was trying to decide what my next step would be, I debated between going to a neurologist or a physical therapist. Neurology is hard to fix (and expensive), so I took her to a canine rehabilitation specialist with a mix of dread and hope. He said heā€™d never seen a dog quite like Cora and asked if he could observe her for a few hours and consult with the orthopedic veterinarian. I didnā€™t like leaving there, but I said yes. When they called me to pick her up, they said the vet wanted to talk to me and I knew.

Cora meets Cinnamon, Floyd's "Girlfriend", at the farm.
Cora Meets Cinnamon, Floyd’s “Girlfriend” – Cinnamon’s Farm.

He spent a lot of time saying ā€œTo be bluntā€¦ā€ and then telling me just how impaired and hopeless she is. He told me I had to make my own decisions but mentioned euthanasia multiple times. I understand that he saw her at her worst and wanted to prepare me for the worst. Cora and I went home and she was defensive and unhappy that night.Ā  I was too. The visit was traumatic for both of us.

By the next day she had recovered. She spent time playing in the yard and insisted on taking a bath with me. She loved it. To be blunt, I think the vet was a bit of an ass. Telling me she had severe mental deficits was the responsible thing to do, but after that he was out of his area of expertise. He made a judgement on her quality of life, without knowing her. I am not giving up on my determined Cora.

Cora makes a new friend (a day at the farm)
Cora Makes a New Friend at the Farm)

Iā€™ve done my research and it scares me. Bind, 3-legged and brain damaged is a lot for her and I to deal with. I suspect she has hydrocephalus and fear her time will be very short. I know thatā€™s grim, but I need to think in those terms. I need to be ready to let her go, when itā€™s time. I can, and will, still hope though. Wouldn’t it be great if 5 years from now Cora and I paid a visit to that vet? There is treatment for hydrocephalus. Itā€™s not a cure, but it can help. Next week, I see myĀ regular veterinarian, and we will explore the possibilities. Iā€™m going to nurture Cora as if she doesnā€™t have a lot of time left, but her life is full of potential. Itā€™s a hard balance, but I have done it before. Ā I will give her every opportunity for growth possible and she will give me the gift of sharing time with her strong spirit.