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Cora is a Healthy, Wonderful Pup

For some reason I’m having troubles writing this even though the news is wonderful. I keep wanting to cry whenever I start to write. I’m just so happy, relieved and in awe of Cora. Yesterday she got her sutures out. It wasn’t the same dog walking into the vet office. Lately, I’ve been carrying her in and out because she was in so much pain, but yesterday we explored a bit outside and then headed in. She was curious and relaxed in the office. She did well with getting her sutures out. Everyone was so happy to see her doing so well. Cora got a lot of velveeta and praise and when we walked out the door she was straining at the leash to go back in.

Cora saying hello to Floyd, the toy hog, after she got her sutures out

Just two weeks ago I was torn up inside wondering why I had put her through a second surgery. She was so miserable and I feared for her future. Blind, “retarded”, three-legs… how was she to have a future? Was I prolonging her pain? I really wondered and now things are better than I imagined they could be. She is so much happier I’m still amazed.

Perhaps this is why I haven’t been able to write because I’m still not finding the words I want. How can I say what it’s like to have quiet when before there was the ongoing barks of frustration and what I now know was pain?  How can I explain the settled feeling, as we navigate through life without the chaos? Something as simple as taking her harness off and on, becomes meaningful, when it was such a battle before. Then there’s the relief I felt when Cora stepped on the scale and her weight had gone up. She’s still just a pup but she stopped growing when she injured her stump. It’s such a relief to have a growing pup.I don’t want to explain how I feel, when I think about the fact she’s been in pain the whole time I’ve had her and I didn’t really understand. I am profoundly grateful she is finally leaving pain behind. And I will never be able to explain what it’s like to sit and cuddle with my beautiful, courageous Cora. I’ve stepped inside her world and she’s entering the world of a healthy, loved dog.

There’s a couple more pictures at her main blog.

Cora’s Surgery

day of surgeryCora’s surgery went well!! It was a bit longer than expected which made me a nervous wreck. There is no longer a stump to be injured or cause pain. We decided to keep the scapula. My vet consulted with another surgeon to make sure that was the right choice as the scapula is often removed. Leaving it meant a lot less surgery for Cora. Where the stump was is now smooth and they took muscle and pulled it over the area so it’s extra padded. The vet talked about how much less pain Cora will have now.

The first part of Cora’s night after surgery was rough but really she’s doing pretty well. She wanted me to be there touching her, so we slept on the floor together. She complains when she stands up or lays down but that isn’t surprising to me. This morning she was doing really well. She’s walking, eating, drinking and peeing! We went through another phase where she just wanted to lay there with me up against her and we settled on the porch. Every once in a while she would twitch her ears when a bird was singing. And then she started growling and I looked down at her and I had a giant mosquito biting my hand. Thanks for letting me know Cora.

She’s walking very cautiously and uncertainly. She has not been circling at all like she used to. I am so curious to see how she does. How much will not having the stump change how she walks and functions. I’m hopeful for my tough girl.

day after surgery

The Night Before- Warning- the photo may be upsetting

I was trying to clean Cora up a bit and I think I accidentally broke a scab. I got a  nip  on the shin as  a result, but that’s nothing compared to how awful I felt. Not that there was much of a scab. It’s mostly an open wound and whenever I see it I feel bad and neglectful. I have never seen Cora lick or mouth her stump, but I’m wondering why it keeps getting worse. Is she doing something when she’s in the kennel, or is it just because she’s constantly moving the stump and bumping it?  She again bumped it on the edge of the food dish while eating. I guess none of that matters. Tomorrow is surgery and this should get better. Tonight she is having troubles sleeping. She is out for a bit and then I hear her give a quiet whine.  I want her to be out of pain.

I went over to her and was rubbing her ears and I took this picture. I look at her stump and feel sick. Tomorrow we start a new chapter. Tomorrow brings better things.Cora night before surgery

On Being More Cora

Cora 4.24.13 tongue outWhen I first adopted Cora, it wasn’t because I thought she was sweet or cute. It was because her need was so great. For quite some time that  was the basis of our relationship. As we grew to know each other that changed.I got to know her quirks and she got to know mine. She found out I like it when she leans against me and I found that she liked to have her ears rubbed.  In the last week or two our relationship has changed again. Cora’s stump has gotten progressively worse since she injured it 10 days ago. It’s extremely painful to her. I keep wanting to help and fix and feeling frantic when I can’t. As much as  I want to help, Cora is showing me how to cope. When I let her be, gets on with her life. She’s playing when she’s up to it. She’s exploring and getting into mischief. When she can’t, she sleeps.

Cora is doing more than just coping. She’s growing. In the last week or so, she’s finally mastered something that comes easy for dogs. She can eat her food out of her bowl without struggle. I know, it sounds like such a small thing. Here’s how it goes, first she has to find the bowl. She can’t see it but she can smell the food. She can hear it going in. In the past, Cora would get so excited her brain would shut down. She knew it was there and would just crash around making things harder, sometimes knocking over the bowl, because she couldn’t be calm enough to use her senses and search. Now she’s at the bowl and the smell is overpowering and she’s cora 4.24.13 standinghungry and she doesn’t have much of any sense of feeling on her muzzle. So, not only can she not see the food that’s not there, she can’t feel it hitting her lips. So she would often accidentally push food away while trying to bite it and again, frustration would take over and she’d flail and push herself completely away from the bowl. But the last few days I’ve put the food in the bowl, she’s run up to it and quickly guzzled it down.

I look at the damage to her stump and feel sick, but then I see Cora’s strength and she gives me strength. I feel so awful about the current situation. That Cora is going to have a second amputation but I also feel blessed. I am sharing life with a being of amazing will power and desire to live. I am sharing my life with a being who can love  and fight tenaciously.  I am sharing my life with Cora the Determined.

 

Outside Adventures, Halter-free and Nap Time – repost

Last night we had a success and fail. Cora hasn’t been wearing a halter because it causes her pain when it touches her stump. I thought I’d try again, and last night I put it on her. Major success. She didn’t complain at all. This is a huge victory, because she has always complained about having her halter on. In fact, in the past she did more than complain, she actively resisted. Teaching her words like “halter on” and rewarding her a lot is helping. She went outside and things were going well until it was time to come in. She hasn’t yet mastered coming back to the house so I tried to lead her back in by holding the halter. This is our usual technique. However, she started crying immediately in obvious pain so the halter came off. I can guide her without the halter, but it’s slower and I can’t support her if she stumbles.

However, the pain meds are definitely helping Cora feel somewhat better. Cora spent a couple hours exploring the yard today. I felt guilty leaving her out so long, but when I tried to bring her in, by leash not halter, she put on the breaks. She is stubborn. With the halter I can “coax” her a long fairly easily, but I can’t pull her forward on the leash. Besides being a bad approach, it would jerk her forward onto her stump. It took much coaxing, prodding, nudging, pleading, muttering and determination but Cora is finally inside and trying to settle into a nap.

The original post with photo can be found on Cora’s blog: http://cora-determined.blogspot.com

Cora’s Bad Days – repost

I try to focus on the positive and with Cora’s progress, there is plenty to focus on. Today, however, has been one of those days when I wonder about Cora’s quality of life and whether I can do this. I hesitate to talk about times like this, but maybe that’s wrong. Most people do not celebrate when they see their dog wagging its tail or when their dog picks up a toy. What gives meaning to Cora’s accomplishments is who she is and the struggles she has.
A couple days ago Cora fell. This is not unusual. I think it will always be a part of her life. Being a tripawd is hard enough, but when you are also blind and have coordination problems, falling down is inevitable. Cora typically reacts by getting angry or by simply getting up and continuing on. When Cora fell a few days ago, I knew it was different. Even before she started screaming, I’d heard the sickening loud thunk. I was at Cora’s side almost immediately and she was crying, hunkered over and bleeding. She had landed hard on her stump and it was bloody and bruised. My tough, independent girl wanted me to hold and calm her.
She was unhappy the rest of the day and I mostly kept her sleeping.  Yesterday was better, except that she kept breaking the scab open. I thought today would be good for her. I’d be at work and she’d get to rest, in the kennel, and give her stump time to heal. I got home from work a bit late and she really needed out to potty. Typical dog stuff.
After that Cora became an angry, snapping, out of control dog. I’ve been bitten by Cora before. I’m working with the behaviorist and none of her bites have been serious, but obviously it’s not ok. I couldn’t calm her down. I couldn’t redirect her with treats. I was afraid for myself and overwhelmed by the barking and activity. I was worried and sad for Cora who seemed so unhappy.
I sent Cora outside. She loves to be in the yard. Her barking quieted and she began to explore. I just brought her inside, an hour later; and she’s calm and manageable. There is no rulebook for this and the best I can do is not make any one moment, define who Cora is or how she will be.

The original post with photos and video can be found on Cora’s blog: http://cora-determined.blogspot.com/2013/04/coras-bad-days.html