Category: Coping with disability

The Best Words Ever

Today Cora went to see the neurologist. I was struck by the difference in her as we calmly walked inside this big and busy building. She isn’t the same pup who went to her first few vet visits, not able to walk much at all and barking and stressed the whole time.  She did get scared when I took her to the bathroom with me. I don’t blame her, bathrooms are noisy places and the door made this odd groaning noise. Instead of falling over and erupting into barking she let me pick her up, hold her and comfort her.

Then we met with the neurologist who assessed her thoroughly. I watched my vet assess Cora and saw her left front and back leg have abnormal reactions. This time, only her front left leg had problems. I was amazed when I saw this. Until the very end Cora coped with the exam well. Then she had a meltdown. The neurologist took it in stride and is not convinced it’s neurological. Like me, he understands that the world is a hard place for a blind, 3-legged puppy with coordination problems. It would be understandable for her to have behavioral issues,  and she started as a stray, fighting for her survival.

He doesn’t believe anything degenerative is going on!!

Yes, she has coordination problems and her brain isn’t wired right, but WOO HOO!!!! So, her official diagnosis is “Possible differentials include  congenital malformation of the brain, trauma to the brain including hypoxia or structural trauma, toxins, nutritional development problems and less likely neoplasia, encephalitis or parasitism.” Whew, did you get all that? So basically, something bad happened to her in the womb, at birth or shortly after that affected her development.

Ok, he can’t say without doubt it’s not degenerative since we didn’t get an mri, but it seems pretty unlikely. If she starts to have more issues, we can try to treat for some of the degenerative issues and see if she improves or go and get an mri. So he gave me lots of options and hope.

He thinks physical rehabilitation will help a lot and gave me exercises to do with her and all sorts of information and contacts. He also gave me information on a behaviorist  who deals with special needs dogs.  He wants me to keep in touch and seemed really positive. I’m almost giddy.

Coras first beachTo celebrate we met up with a friend and took Cora to the beach. It was her first visit and the sound of waves and the trains were a bit scary but she really wanted to explore. It’s the longest walk she’s ever taken and she had to deal with beach rocks, soft sand and obstacles so she was definitely experiencing new challenges. She did have this strange desire to eat the sand at first but then all puppies do strange things. And that’s the great thing. Cora is a puppy. She has lots of opportunities to grow and learn and have a full life.

cora first beach 2 wavesCoras first beach 3

The Vet Again- Hope and Sadness

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAToday, Cora had an appointment with our normal vet, Dr Rice to talk about brain damage. After last week’s meeting with the orthopedic vet, I knew this would be a hard visit. It was hard, but it was also a very difference experience.  I got to spend time with a couple amazing ladies (one human and one canine) and I’m sad, touched and grateful.

The beginning was not auspicious. Cora does not like to be rushed. Unfortunately, we had to leave for the vet shortly after I got home from work. Cora had a temper tantrum, barking and laying down and refusing to walk.  I finally got her to walk down her new ramp and I loaded her in the car. That’s when I began to realize how far Cora has come.

Unlike previous car trips Cora was mostly quiet. She did, sharply, let me know when I drove over bumps in the road but mostly she just settled in. When we arrived, I opened the crate and had to quickly get hold of her as she was crawling out and ready to go. She was so curious in the parking lot; it was hard to get her in the office. The puppy who could not manage the slippery floors and was frightened and barking non-stop, had been replaced by an inquisitive and calmer Cora. Well, except for getting weighed, but there are lots of us who don’t like that.

coras faceI was really glad that Cora was doing so well. A part of me wanted to try and convince everyone around she wasn’t hopeless. I still felt the impact of those words at the other vet. I was so happy to be seeing Dr.  Rice. She had cared for Schmoozer through his battle of epilepsy and I knew she’d take the time to know Cora. As often happened in the past, Dr. Rice and I were sitting on the floor with the dog.  I then told Dr. Rice my concerns about brain damage.

Cora had been calm in the waiting room but now her stress level was up. She was noisy and rather floppy, as we tried to maneuver her. I think Cora was practicing a new form of passive resistance. After her reflexes had been checked I settled her in my lap and she calmed some. Dr. Rice told me her reflexes on the left side (front and back leg) were not there, but that her back right leg was ok.

I mentioned hydrocephalus.  What she said, in her thoughtful, gentle way is that it doesn’t matter what the exact diagnosis is. Cora isn’t going to get better. But here is what makes Dr. Rice special, that was really just the beginning of our conversation. She asked how I was doing and what I thought. By this time Cora had wiggled out of my lap and Dr. Rice took her into her own lap. I suspect that Cora behaved in similar ways with the orthopedic vet. She was loud and doing a bit of snapping, but without me saying a thing, Dr. Rice understood that this was Cora’s communication and nothing to be afraid of. She laughed at Cora’s stubborn desire to do things herself. I then watched as she held and comforted Cora.

She showed me how pressing on Cora’s head makes Cora calmer. I knew Cora liked to have her head rubbed but I’d never tried pressure. She said that Cora probably is getting headaches and that could explain some of the irritability. Then she said she was doing a bit of Reiki. I don’t disbelieve but generally I find myself skeptical. But it really seemed like something magical was happening in that room and I could try for hours and never find the right words.  I just know that Dr. Rice made connection with my difficult and independent girl who often doesn’t want to be touched at all.

cora with hand on headI am touched by the beauty of those moments, but I ache inside. “Cora is living on borrowed time.” Those words are hard, but I understand the odds are against her. There is something really wrong inside that stubborn head of hers. She has such a strong spirit, that she may surprise everyone. Cora is physically healthy. If it is hydrocephalus she will get worse for a time and then stabilize. I’m supposed to watch for stroke like symptoms. I’m supposed to challenge her so she can keep making those neural connections that will help her to live as much life as possible.

For myself, I have to acknowledge that her life will probably be pretty short. I will fill that life with love and enjoy each day. Today,  Cora let Dr. Rice handle her and cuddle and she definitely charmed her.  Then walked out of the exam and as I was trying to pay, she was pulling on the leash. She was wanting to go out into the world, just like any other dog.

Cora Construction Project Phase 1 Complete!

Today it was actually sunny, so of course time was spent outside. Floyd (and I) enjoyed a good morning walk. Mr Energy showed what a good boy he can be. He found a herd of elk and dashed after them, but he stopped and came when I called. We were both rather pleased with the day. With the fun done it was time to get serious and tackle CCP.

Before we could undertake phase 1, Cora got to practice walking down the temporary ramp and then was allowed to explore the yard (more about that in a bit). She covered more ground than I expected!

Phase 1 of Operation Cora Construction Project
-Fence the porch!

fenced-porch

I don’t have to worry about her falling under the railings or off the unrailed side. It’s quite a drop.

gated-porch

A gate!

Phase 2- Almost done– No pictures because it would be boring

Staining and cutting pieces for the ramp. The borrowed saw and I both ran out of juice

Phase 3-

Constructing the ramp! Will my design work? Stay Tuned.

And now we interrupt this program for a Coramercial

 

cora-vs-fern

Finally, Cora finds someone who stays still long enough, that she can fight it.

core-vs-ferns-tumble

Alas, even though her foe was a fern, Cora loses the battle. Tumbling away from her enemy she lives to fight another day.

Lessons from Schmoozer the Wondermutt

Everyone who knew him thought Schmoozer was special. Schmoo battled very severe epilepsy for most of his short life. I was blessed to have that time with him. He just had this gift for charming people. He was gentle, silly, mellow and affectionate and even non-dog people were charmed by him.

Schmoo posingI brought Schmoo home from the rescue group when he was just a pup. I actually felt a bit guilty getting a pup when there are so many older dogs needing homes.  Several of my furry companions had recently crossed the rainbow bridge and Fancy-cat was getting old and developing health issues. I wanted someone who would be healthy and would share my life for a long time.

His first seizure came at seven months and it was a violent, long grand mal. Life isn’t a made for TV movie, where it all seems right in the end. Schmoo’s epilepsy just got worse over time and side-effects of the meds were almost as bad. There is a sort of magic that can come from adversity.  When Coal (Schmoo’s predecessor) died, I didn’t think I could ever love a dog more deeply. Perhaps that’s true, but there’s a special intimacy shared between caretaker and survivor.

Schmoozer had chronic coordination problems known as ataxia. He fell a lot and struggled to do what other dogs could. My heart ached and I wanted to protect him. He didn’t want to be protected though. He wanted to play at the dog park, swim, hike and make new friends.  It’s funny how when we know time may be short we become very conscious of using it well. I wanted Schmoo’s quality of life to be as good as possible and that meant I had to let him live on his own terms.

I remember the day I really understood what Schmoo was teaching me. He’d found a playmate who was quick and agile. Schmoozer couldn’t keep up and then he fell and I felt that pit in my stomach. My thoughts churned as I imagined a dark future, when happy barks pulled me out of my reverie. While I had been down in the dumps, Schmoo had picked himself up and flung his wobbly self into the game.Snowy schmoo

Schmoo had a big heart and he knew how to live life and find enjoyment. One winter we got hit by a major storm and everything was ice. Since Schmoo couldn’t walk on the ice he first made a game of sliding across the ice. Finally even that got to be too much and he thwumped down on the ground. His eyes looked up and brightened as he watched a big pileated woodpecker tear apart a tree.

Schmoo gave me so much and now it’s my turn to share with Cora.  I’m watching Cora learn to walk as a tripod and find her way in a world she can’t see. I know she is going to struggle and fall. I also know she has a life of opportunity ahead of her.

Getting Out in the World

Cora is a tired pup. Friday, she met the animal behaviorist who stressed the importance of socialization and Saturday we got busy. We’ve gone to a puppy meet-up, a park, hung out a work, the vet and the pet store. She’s met dogs and humans of the adult and child variety. She’s heard all sorts of sounds, gotten drenched in the smell of the pet store and found puddles to play in. Cora is becoming a puppy!

It’s amazing how small things can have such great impact. Seeing her wag her tail, for something besides dog food was great. When she wagged her tail for me, this fierce human, got rather mushy. Watching her walk towards people, wanting to say “hi” is exciting and hopeful. She’s not effusive. She’s still a Darned Independent Woman, but her world is broadening rapidly.

When we arrive some place new, she’s a bit loud and grumpy. To be honest, I feel that way too sometimes. New places can be hard for us quirky humans and we have a lot more control over our environment. Cora takes a few minutes but then she settles down. She doesn’t go charging about like a lot of puppies do, but she’s taking everything in through her ears and nose.

She’s gained a pound, some confidence and stronger legs since coming home. I’m gaining too. There’s a Jewish blessing for “strange creatures”. I’m not going to get all spiritual, but I believe there’s a sort of magic in opening ourselves to those that are so different. Today Cora met a big, gentle dog at the vet’s office. After a few moments of getting to know each other, she leaned her body against this big-hearted soul. Would that have happened, or been so powerful, if Cora wasn’t who she was? Cora is getting out in the world and she will leave her mark.

Cora Meets the Animal Behaviorist

Floyd fear bites. My friends may sometimes call me the dog whisperer, but I needed help. I hired an animal behaviorist and it’s been a wonderful thing. Floyd is learning to pause before reacting. He’s actually starting to approach my friends for pats and attention. Since he’s coming along so well, Floyd agreed to share his session with Cora so she could be assessed.

Before Floyd works on training, I take him out for some fun and exercise. That’s a good plan, but stopping at  the post office  wasn’t. There wasn’t much time when I got home, before Amanda, the behaviorist,  arrived. Cora was in her kennel and throwing a fit. Her bed had slid and she’d  gotten herself stuck and frustrated. I was feeling frustrated too, as I took her out on the porch to potty and she continued to throw tantrum.fierce cora up close

Amanda arrived in the midst of this excitement. She saw Cora at her absolute worst – barking, not wanting to be touched, not walking well. She was really worried about Cora and talked about neurological problems. As Cora calmed down, Amanda began to see the other side of the pup. Cora began to walk around and sniff for food. Cora let herself be patted and tried to interact with all of us.

Nothing Amanda said really surprised me. Cora is behind developmentally. She hasn’t socialized enough and she also probably has some neurological issues. You would expect a pup to be stronger and that her mobility would be better three weeks post surgery. I don’t think Cora ever walked much or well, because of the club foot and that she’s basically learning to really walk for the first time.

I’m doing the right things for my little girl but we have a lot of hurdles to tackle. Amanda said the window for puppy socialization is just about closed. “It is their sensitive period for socialization and it is the most important socialization period in a dog’s life. Puppies who do not get adequate socialization during this period tend to be fearful of unfamiliar people, or dogs, or sounds, objects and environments.” (source) I really need to get her out around other dogs, people, etc.

After a morning of play and her afternoon session with Amanda, Cora  had a rotten evening yesterday and last night she threw a few temper tantrums in the kennel after I put her to bed. It’s easy to pathologize everything with a special needs mutt,  kennel meltdowns are not unusual for a  pup. I have to admit I’m feeling low and overwhelmed right now. I’ve had special needs critters before and I know these feelings pass. In fact, this morning I’m noting how much better the feisty girl is walking.  She’s still not strong but she’s walking straighter. Even better,  she insisted on walking down the ramp to potty instead of doing it on the porch. Downs leave plenty of opportunities to climb up and Cora and I certainly will.

I found a puppy play group that meets today. I’m tired and the idea of taking Cora to socialize with a bunch of strange dogs is intimidating, but Cora needs this opporutnity. She’s been trying to play so hard with Floyd, but he’s not enthused.  Besides, puppies are fun and we both will probably love it once we get there.